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""I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister's house and ask her for money."--Kevin Meaney "

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"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

To alcohol! The cause of- and solution to- all of life's problems

Homer

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Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.

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I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

Garry Shandling

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Every man has his tale of woe. Unfortunately in life there is more woe than tail

Rodney Dangerfield

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There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.unknown

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

unknown

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