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""After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post."~Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island "

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"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.' "

Richard Jeni

When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing like that movie, Police Academy.

Homer

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Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now.Don't wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future.Think how really precious is the time you have to spend,whether it's at work or with your family.Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.

Earl Nightingale

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Every man has his tale of woe. Unfortunately in life there is more woe than tail

Rodney Dangerfield

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Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.

Steven Wright

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There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.unknown

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

unknown

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