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""I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.' "--Richard Jeni "

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"I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter."

Drew Carey

Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine with all the chicks?

Bart

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There are 3 kinds of people:Those who can count,and those who cannot.

George Carlin

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Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

John Mendoza

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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

Steven Wright

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Washtub wringers

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.unknown

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

unknown

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