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""I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."--Elayne Boosler "

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"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"

Paula Poundstone

I didn't do it, no one saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!

Bart

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My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.

Ron Richards

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My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.

Ron Richards

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I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'

Richard Jeni

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Studebakers

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.unknown

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

unknown

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