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""My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"--Paula Poundstone "

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."

Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

I won't lie to you. On this job, you will be shot at.

Apu

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I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'

Richard Jeni

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You have to accentuate the positive,eliminate the negative,and latch on to the affirmative.Don't mess with Mr. In-between.

Louis Armstrong

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I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

Garry Shandling

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Topo Gigio

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.unknown

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

unknown

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