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""Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are." Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22. "

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""After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.""

Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island

When I look at the smiles on all the childrens faces. Just know theyre about to jab me with something..

Homer

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I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player

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Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued. Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976.

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I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman.

Bruce Baum

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Metal ice cubes trays with levers

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.unknown

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

unknown

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